


Dear Jaemin

by acrazyworldofdreams



Series: Love Donghyuck [3]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Best Friends, Coming Out, Falling In Love, M/M, Panic Attacks, Slice of Life, in love with the wrong person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-06 14:52:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17347241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acrazyworldofdreams/pseuds/acrazyworldofdreams
Summary: Donghyuck experiences a panic attack for the first time in his life, Jaemin comes to rescue him.





	Dear Jaemin

**Author's Note:**

> Another Repost!!!! Will make more sense if you read 'Dear..., Love Donghyuck' first :)

My hand shakes as I lift the latch to open the bathroom stall door and I see Jaemin on the other side, as his voice moments before led me to believe he would be.

My breath is uneven and I’m shaking. I don’t know what’s happening to me. I’m scared.

Jaemin comes into the stall quickly, and pushes the door shut behind him. Locking it again from the inside. We’re alone in the bathroom, and I’m grateful he’s here.

Even with the new addition to the stall, I still struggle to focus on anything, and my ears have this rushing sound in them. It’s horrible. I have no idea what to do.

I feel Jaemin grab my wrists, rather than see it. My breathing is so laboured it has caused my body to hunch over, like it’s trying to find new fistfuls of air to bring in and finding none. It sounds akin to panting but it’s not. There is air but not enough. I hear murmurs which sound vaguely familiar, but I can’t place until logic kicks in and I realise it’s Jaemin’s voice.

He’s telling me it will all be okay. I’m not sure I believe him, but then again, he’s never lied to me before. I try to focus on the feelings of his hands clasping my wrists, using it as a focus to ground my mind on.

I faintly hear him whisper,  _“In, and out, Hyuckie. That’s all I need you to do. Breath in and out.”_

My breathing starts to slow a bit, but it’s when I catch Jaemin’s own breathing rhythm that I’m finally able to settle it enough to see what’s in front me, which is Pink hair. That’s all I can see. I still don’t know to this day, how he gets away with it. In middle school I kept expecting every day for a teacher to say something, and then in high school, I was sure they would, but nothing. Nada. Not a peep.

He’s really is mesmerising. I can’t take my eyes off his hair. He’s let go of my wrists now and is instead cupping my face within his hands. I flick my eyes down to find his. Concern runs all the way through them, and I realise I’ve probably worried him, a lot.

What happened? I try to think.

I remember being in class, and some kids joking about some girl in the class over had come out over the weekend and her parents had kicked her out. Ahh that was the moment I’d felt my breath leave my chest, and then suddenly I just needed to leave the classroom. The bathroom had only been across the hall, so I’d dived in. Thrown myself into a stall and kind of lost it.

Jaemin had been hot on my heels and had knocked for at least 2 minutes before I’d been able to even think about opening the door. I’d thought for a second I could stop whatever was happening by myself, but I couldn’t. The feelings of fear and worry had consumed me completely. I didn’t want to be like that girl. I couldn’t bare being abandoned like that.

I didn’t want to be me. It was too scary.

I didn’t want to be different. I wondered, what would happen to me if I was in the same situation as that girl?

Would my Mom still love me?

Would Jeno still want to be my best friend?

Would Jaemin still talk to me?

Thoughts swirled around my head, rising up from where they had been gathering ever since we started High School a few months ago. I feel crazy.

My breathing slows right down finally, and I sit on the toilet seat. Jaemin crouches in front of me. Determined to look me in the eye. I try to avoid it but he’s like a force of nature, and I can’t quite do it.

 _“What happened Hyuckie? Do you know_?” Jaemin’s always been perceptive.

He understands things without you ever having to tell him, and he takes care of you. I’ve often wondered who took care of him.

I want to take care of him a lot of the time, but then so does Jeno. Sometimes I think there’s something going on between them, but I’m not ready to face that either. I’m not ready to face most of my feelings it would appear.

 _“I don’t…I don’t….I don’t….”_  like a scratched turntable, I can only spit out the same few words and then it repeats. I’ve no idea how to put everything I’m feeling and thinking into sentences I can share with Jaemin.

I feel my breathing start to labour and my chest heave again, but before it can let loose, Jaemin pulls me into his shoulder, into one of the tightest hugs I’ve had in my life.

_“Don’t worry Hyuck. No words needed. I’m here, and you’re okay. That’s all that matters.”_

I breathe easier, pulling in the scent of lynx deodorant and strawberries from his chest. I’ve always like the fact Jaemin smelt of the sweet red fruit. It was easier to detect who was sneaking up on you, but at the same time reassuring when his scent joined you before he did at the lunch table.

Jeno, Jaemin and I were a team. One I depended on greatly. I couldn’t bare the thought of ever being apart from them, but I’d been heartbroken before. I didn’t want that to happen again, especially by someone who didn’t know they were doing it.

I pulled one last deep bout of air, savouring the sensation, and pushed Jaemin off gently. I don’t want him to feel like I’m rejecting him.

But I do need air, and to get out of this bathroom.

 _“Can we go the nurse’s office? I could do with lying down for a period or two.”_  I ask. Jaemin nods and turns to unlock the door. He’s not treating me like a sick kid, but I know he’s trying to make sure I don’t get upset again. We make it to the medical room in no time at all, and the nurse upon seeing me, ushers me to a bed nearby. There’s only like 3 beds in here though, so it’s pretty cosy.

 _“Back to class you with you though,”_  she says looking at Jaemin. She doesn’t know his name and probably never will, what with there being 1000 kids in this high school.

Jaemin comes over to say goodbye, but before he heads back to our homeroom - though it’s probably first period by now, he leans down and pulls me into another hug whispering into my ear,

_“Remember Hyuck. You are never alone, and Jeno and I will love you no matter what”._

My eyes go wide at his words, and I think he knows my secret. Well the one about me liking other boys, not the one about being completely, and irrevocably in love with him.

Thank god for that.


End file.
